To make it short:I think so.
I haven’t been ‘actively seeking’ for over a decade, and the available technology has moved on significantly from the days of mailing lists, Yahoo Groups, and dedicated Chatroom sites (although they all still exist). But I am disappointed to see that one thing has not changed, the behaviour of a significant proportion of my fellow man.
Why do so many men (and a few women!) seem to think that all the regular rules of civilised behaviour can be abandoned just because they are hiding behind a screen?
It never ceases to amaze me when I see some of the things people say, and do. If you really want to see what I am talking about for yourself – whether you be male or female – try creating a nice sexy female persona in your preferred online contact site. Make one or two inoccuous comments to get your online name seen, and then just sit back and wait for the stream of obnoxious proposals to flood in. And once you have had a bellyful, do the decent thing and remove your fake persona to avoid leading anyone on. It hasn’t changed in the slightest from the 1990s. I understand that some of these guys are not serious about meeting with anyone, they are just there to run riot in what they see as a bit of harmless fun, a form of ‘venting their frustrations’ I suppose.
It all makes things so much more difficult for genuine people, both men and women, to get to know each other. The women rightly regard all unknown men with deep suspicion, not daring to chat normally lest they be singled out for the attentions of some cretin. And for the genuine guys, they must tip-toe around eggshells, being very careful how they approach, or risk being mistaken for one of the neanderthalls.
I was taught that it is alright to moan, so long as you contribute something positive to balance things out. So my contribution is to explain how I try to keep myself on the civilised side of ‘rampant horny male’.
The single golden rule I apply is to question whether I would act in such a way, or speak to someone in a certain way, if I was in a bar or other similar public space.
In these circumstances half the men on the Internet would be permanently walking around with bright red cheeks from having their faces slapped, hair and clothes dripping from the beer that has been poured over their heads.
Using this same rule, when walking into a meeting place for the first time, the done thing is to politely greet the assembled throng and briefly introduce yourself. Thereafter, it is likely that particular people will attract your attention more than others, and some conversations will interest you more. You would probably gravitate towards your preferred people, and participate in the conversations in which you have something worthwhile to contribute, or learn from. Whether you be dominant, submissive or indifferent, a little bit of humilty will go a long way towards getting yourself accepted as one of the crowd.
With just a little bit of luck, by now you may have attracted the attention – in a positive way for a change – of several of the people in whom you are interested. They may well be waiting and hoping that you will make a polite approach towards them, or they may even make the first approach towards you!
Meanwhile, the people who need to heed this advice most will be the ones who blindly ignore it, and I am left to wrestle with the new technology and wander through the minefield of human interraction.
Finally, her’s a good video on the topic: